


Drunk Lullabies

by Fallen_Angel_Meg



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drinking, Drunken Confessions, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 03:10:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7996426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fallen_Angel_Meg/pseuds/Fallen_Angel_Meg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>My submission for <a href="http://destieldrabblesdaily.tumblr.com">destieldrabblesdaily's</a>30k Fan Fic Contest</p>
<p>So this is actually based off a real life experience that happened to me. I was hanging out with my two friends and we had been drinking (and therefore got a little drunk) and idk why, but I'm <i>always</i> the last one to fall asleep, usually by a couple hours. We always play music in the background when we hangout and, in my state of boredom of being the only one awake, I started singing and belatedly realized I probably should shut up before I wake them up. When I did, one of them startled me by asking why I stopped singing because she liked listening to me. And, of course, my first instinct was to think "holy shit deancas au" so then this fic was born.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Drunk Lullabies

**Author's Note:**

> My submission for [destieldrabblesdaily's](http://destieldrabblesdaily.tumblr.com)30k Fan Fic Contest
> 
> So this is actually based off a real life experience that happened to me. I was hanging out with my two friends and we had been drinking (and therefore got a little drunk) and idk why, but I'm _always_ the last one to fall asleep, usually by a couple hours. We always play music in the background when we hangout and, in my state of boredom of being the only one awake, I started singing and belatedly realized I probably should shut up before I wake them up. When I did, one of them startled me by asking why I stopped singing because she liked listening to me. And, of course, my first instinct was to think "holy shit deancas au" so then this fic was born.

Dean lifts the dark bottle to his lips, finishing off what little was left inside. The beer is warm but still sharp as it slithers down his throat and he exhales, leaning his head back against the couch to stare up at the ceiling as soft music flows through the room.  
  
He probably should’ve stopped drinking a while ago - his head’s been spinning going on two hours now - but it’s oddly relaxing. The thoughts that usually cloud his mind drift away, leaving him with a sense of peace. Although, the chances of a hangover are good.  
  
But he doesn’t care about that now.  
  
He glances around the dimness of the disheveled room. His apartment’s littered with empty bottles; pillows spewed about and left over Chinese cartons sit on the coffee table with the abandoned Monopoly game. When he’s sober again, he’ll cringe at the sight but for now, he smiles. As destroyed as the room is, it’s a reminder of a good night had.  
  
Sam and Jess are tangled together on the loveseat, Jess lying completely on Sam and Sam, with his long limbs, is half falling off. But they’re out like a light. Have been for about an hour now. That’s the price the winners of drinking Monopoly pay, though. Of course the sharks will be the first ones to get blacked out drunk. It’s only fair.  
  
Dean’s gaze flickers to the weight that shifts against his side, the corner of his mouth lifting in a soft smile. At some point, Cas tipped over on the couch, face nuzzling Dean’s shoulder. But as light and happy as the sight makes him, his insides twist. And it’s not from the alcohol.  
  
Castiel is his best friend and sadly, that’s all they’ll ever be.  
  
Dean’s been distracting himself with empty relationships for a long time now, but no one’s ever stuck around. He thought maybe he wasn’t finding the right person. Maybe they’d be the next one, the one to finally wipe his silly crush on his best friend clean from his mind.  
  
But no. Every single time, he’s longed for the person to be Cas. Just Cas.  
  
There was a point six months ago where Dean convinced himself to finally tell Cas. Tell him everything because he couldn’t keep it inside anymore or else he’d burst. He was tired of feeling lonely when he wasn’t alone, wanting the warm body in his bed to be Cas’, to push that line from friendship to… fuck, _something_ more.  
  
He was ready to do it, to confess everything. But he was too late, all hope crashing and burning.  
  
Castiel had found someone. Someone who wasn’t Dean. Someone named Balthazar who was from England and charming and then Dean stopped listening after that, focused too hard on upholding his plastic smile. He couldn’t tell Cas after that. He had to be happy for him regardless of his feelings.  
  
Now, here he is - drunk at two in the morning and cherishing the way his best friend leans into his side. Against all better judgment, Dean eases his arm up so that Cas fell under his armpit before curling it around his shoulders.  
  
As soon as he does it, Dean wants to slap himself. What the hell is he doing? Cas has a boyfriend. One with a shudder inducing accent and money and could give Cas anything he wanted. Dean’s nothing compared to that.  
  
If Cas woke up now, how would he explain himself? His mind’s so hazy, he’s not confident he can keep the pent up words from spilling out. And that’s dangerous.  
  
Dean needs him so bad it hurts. Losing Cas isn’t an option.  
  
He sighs, bringing the bottle to his lips but nothing comes out. When did he finish this?  
  
He sets it down, leaning his head back once again and shutting his eyes. He just needs to fall asleep so when morning comes, there’ll be no questions as to how they got in this position. Just blame the alcohol.  
  
The only problem is, for some weird reason when Dean drinks, he can’t sleep. He’s always the last one to pass out after a wild night, usually hours after the last person has fallen asleep. Tonight is no exception.  
  
Instead, he focuses on the music- soft and comforting in the stillness of night. He hums to himself, hoping maybe it’ll lull him into some sort of twilight state.  
  
Gradually, humming turns to soft singing. Song after song, he mindlessly sings with his eyes closed. He only stops when Castiel shifts closer against his side, cracking open an eye to look down at him. He isn’t too concerned about Sam and Jess, but he definitely doesn’t want to wake Cas. Disturbing something so peaceful and beautiful is just out of the question. So he quiets, letting the music be the only sound to distort the silence.  
  
“Why’d you stop?” a muffled voice asks.  
  
Dean blinks, looking down in surprise.  
  
“What?”  
  
Blue eyes peer up at him from beneath long, dark lashes, not a trace of sleep in their depths. “I was listening to you sing. Why’d you stop?”  
  
Dean swallows nervously. “I, uh, I didn’t want to - I… I didn’t realize you were awake.”  
  
A ghost of a smile graces Castiel’s lips. “I was never asleep.”  
  
So Cas is aware that Dean basically cuddled him. Shit. He probably felt too awkward to tell Dean to stop and now this looks sketchy as hell.  
  
Dean begrudgingly unwraps his arm from around Cas, face burning. “Sorry.”  
  
Castiel’s eyebrows scrunch together but he doesn’t make a move to shift away. “What for?”  
  
With his arm hanging awkwardly in the air, Dean settles for letting it rest on the back of the couch. He clears his throat. “I, um, didn’t mean to go putting the moves on you. I just didn’t want - I know you and Balthazar – we’re friends and I’d never do that, of course.”  
  
Dean makes himself shut up because he sounds like the biggest fucking idiot ever, the alcohol not helping any, and Castiel frowns in response.  
  
“Balthazar and I broke up.”  
  
Dean’s eyebrows shoot up, looking down at Cas but his eyes are lowered from Dean’s now.  
  
“When?”  
  
“About a month ago.”  
  
Dean’s not sure what to make of it. A part of him wants to celebrate because even if him and Cas will never be, it’s a hell of a lot better than watching him fall for someone else. But the thought of Cas hurting and heartbroken doesn’t make Dean feel good at all and despite his own feelings, he hates that Cas could be feeling this way. The haziness of the alcohol really isn’t mixing well with all these conflicting feelings.  
  
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Dean murmurs once he manages to find his voice.  
  
The shoulder that isn’t pressed against Dean lifts in a shrug. “What was I supposed to say?”  
  
Dean scoffs. “Anything. I could’ve been there for you, Cas. You know I would’ve.”  
  
That prompts Cas to sit up, swaying a little when he does and Dean compulsively lays a hand on his shoulder to steady him and a humorless chuckle bubbles from Castiel’s throat. “I know. That’s the problem.”  
  
Now Dean’s even more confused. “But… how?”  
  
How would Dean being there to comfort his best friend be a problem? That’s what friends do. They’re there for each other, even when stupid crushes make it painful.  
  
“Because it was about you. It was always about you.”  
  
Dean scrunches his eyebrows, head spinning with trying to make sense of it all. “I don’t -“  
  
“I couldn’t devote myself to Balthazar because… you’re the only one I want, Dean. It's always been about you, as much as I tried for it not to be.”  
  
It’s a miracle Dean doesn’t choke on the breath that hitches in his throat. Rather, he can only stare wordlessly at Cas. Either he’s so drunk his brain is fucking with him or Cas is saying he _wants_ him.  
  
Castiel finally meets his gaze and laughs, shaking his head before leaning forward, elbows resting on his knees and burying his face in his hands. “Now I’ve done it. I’m sorry. This is why I didn’t tell you because I knew this would happen. I’m sorry, Dean. I’m so -“  
  
“ _Cas._ ”  
  
His exasperated tone is enough to make Cas stop his mumblings and peek out from behind his hands, sadness and regret and frustration swimming in his eyes.  
  
Dean takes a deep breath. “Do you really mean that?”  
  
Castiel starts to turn away but Dean reaches forward, taking Cas’ hands away from his face so all he can do is look at Dean. His throat bobs as he swallows, voice coming out in a hoarse whisper.  
  
“Yes.”  
  
A relieved breath exhales from Dean’s lungs and his eyes slip closed, all but melting into the couch.  
  
“Dean?” Cas prompts uneasily and when Dean reopens his eyes, those beautiful blue ones are watching him. A dopey grin spreads across his face, which causes Cas’ head to tilt to the side adorably.  
  
“Cas, I’ve - shit, you’re the only one I can think about. For so long now…”  
  
His eyes widen. “R-really?”  
  
Dean nods, looking down at his lap as a warm blush kisses his cheeks. “I was going to tell you a while ago. But then you had Balthazar and… I couldn’t ruin that for you.”  
  
Gentle fingertips guide his chin back up so that he’s staring into gentle eyes again. Castiel opens his mouth like he’s about to say something but instead, he leans forward to press a hesitant kiss to Dean’s lips, making Dean’s heart beat furiously in his chest. Cas only pulls away for a second before Dean presses forward to reconnect their lips, this time with more certainty.  
  
It’s a little sloppy, considering they’re both still very much drunk, but it’s one of the sweetest kisses Dean’s ever had, Cas' soft lips making him feel light and whole. When they break away, Dean instantly pulls Cas closer, who melts into his arms.  
  
“Please tell me you’ll remember this in the morning,” Dean whispers because honestly, he’s not sure if he can face a sober Castiel who explains away this conversation as a result of an intoxicated mind. That’d hurt too much.  
  
Castiel nuzzles his face into Dean’s neck, breath tickling his skin with each word spoken. “As long as you do too.”  
  
Dean grins, pressing a kiss to the top of Cas’ head and sliding to lay down on the couch with Castiel tucked under his arm, head resting against Dean’s chest.  
  
“Can you sing some more? I… I like it when you sing,” Cas murmurs shyly.  
  
Dean uses his hand to guide Cas’ chin upwards so he can give him a lingering kiss, grinning against his lips.  
  
“Sure, Cas.”  
  
That soft smile Cas gives him is enough to make Dean feel like he could float away if Cas wasn’t wrapped around him. Castiel drops his head back to Dean’s chest – suspiciously like he’s listening to Dean’s heart - while Dean grabs the blanket draped over the back of the couch and fixes it over them.  
  
Dean resumes his quiet singing with whatever song filters through the speakers, even after Cas’ breathing evens out with sleep. He doesn’t stop until the alcohol finally has its way with him, drowsiness settling over him like a thick blanket and the dimness of the room melts into the blackness of sleep.  
  
Dean wakes to sunshine and it takes him a moment to remember why he’s on the couch. He lifts a hand to rub at his eyes, noticing the paper that’s been pressed into his palm. He moves his other hand to unfold it but can’t because it’s wrapped around Castiel’s waist, who’s legs are tangled with his.  
  
That’s right. Him and Cas. Last night. They talked. They _kissed_.  
  
It all slams into Dean at once and his head throbs from the memory. Even alcohol can’t erase that conversation from his mind.  
  
He awkwardly unfolds the note with one hand and reads it.  
  
_We expect a call with answers later today._  
_Love,_  
_Sam & Jess_  
_P.S It’s about damn time!_  
  
Dean groans quietly, lifting his head to see if they’re still here, but there’s no one. In fact, the apartment is completely silent so they must’ve headed home already. He lets the note float to floor and sighs, grateful for the privacy because whenever Cas wakes up, there’s a possibility of it being disastrous.  
  
Cas might not remember anything and be freaked out that they’re cuddling on the couch. Or Cas might remember everything and blame it all on being intoxicated. Dean’s not sure which he’d rather have.  
  
He doesn’t have long to speculate before Cas stirs against him. He’s pulling himself tighter to Dean when he freezes, as if realizing where exactly he’s at.  
  
Dean clears his throat softly. “Good morning.”  
  
Castiel tilts his head up so that their eyes meet. “Oh, um, good morning.”  
  
Dean chews the inside of his cheek because _fuck_ , what’s he supposed to say next?  
  
“Sam and Jess left already.” Dean wants to face palm so hard. Seriously? _That’s_ what he came up with?  
  
“Oh, okay,” Cas replies apprehensively.  
  
Quiet falls between them but neither make an effort to move away. It’s probably only been thirty seconds, but it feels like minutes of tense silence pass before Dean shatters it with a whisper.  
  
“Do you remember?”  
  
Castiel looks away, nipping at his bottom lip. “Of course I do, Dean.”  
  
Okay, that’s good… but he’s not out of the woods yet. There’s still the other half. “Do you… regret anything?”  
  
Castiel snaps his gaze back up to Dean, eyes wide with something fierce to them. “Not a single word.”  
  
Dean deflates against the couch, relief spreading throughout his body. “Me neither,” he breathes out.  
  
A crooked smile and lips brush against his jaw. “I meant what I said. Every last word.”  
  
Dean tightens his arms around Cas. “Me too.”  
  
Castiel presses a kiss against his jaw before sitting up enough so he’s looking down at him with those warm, smiling eyes.  
  
“It’s always been you, Dean.”  
  
Dean grins, pulling Cas down so that their lips could meet, stomach filling with flutters and happiness warming his body. This is by far one of the best mornings he’s woken up to - hangover aside.  
  
Dean wants to say so much and nothing at all. He wants to spill every little thing he loves about Cas, about how much better his life has been since they’ve met, how he never wants to let Cas out of his arms again. At the same time, he doesn’t want to interrupt their sweet kissing - these kisses he’s dreamt about for years.  
  
Instead, Dean echoes Cas’ words back to him against his lips because they’re everything Dean feels, everything Cas has meant to him this entire time.  
  
“It’s always been you, Cas.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed :)  
> And to answer the question no one was going to ask: we indeed turned Monopoly into a drinking game ;)  
> [My Tumblr](http://blissfulcastiel.tumblr.com)


End file.
